Spend Rappin' (5th, and Final?*, Repost)

It's Boxing Day! And you know what that means ... at Sourcing Innovation, it's Spend Rappin' time! (It's a very well-established holiday tradition!)

  To the Tune of "Christmas Rappin'" by Kurtis Blow

Don't you get me all that JIVE about code you used before I's alive,
Cause this ain't 1965 - ain't even 1999!
Now I'm the guy named Lamoureux and Spend is one thing that I know.
So every year, just about this time, I celebrate it with a rhyme!

Gonna save it, gonna shave it, gonna make it good,
Gonna take it all down through your neighbourhood.
Gonna wring it, gonna sling it till it's understood.
My rap's about to happen, like the knee you was slappin;
Or the toe you been tappin' on a hunk of wood.
'Bout a two fisted dude, with a friendly attitude
and a sack full of savings for the people on the block.
He's an old grey beard, maybe looks kind of weird,
and if you ever seen him he could give you quite a shock.

Now people let me tell ya about last year
when the dude came slicing spend through here.
Well the wit was out, the gloves on the ground,
folks stayed to watch him cut it down.
The beat was thumping on the block,
and they were glued to just one spot,
as the master cubed at a solid pace,
...
got a taste of the waste thrown in your face.
...
And this old spend slayer laid down a heavy layer
of his slicing dicing rhythm to a tree-mapped beat.
And the guy with the database started to participate,
and I could sure appreciate the spend roll up neat.

We were all in the mood so we had a little brood,
not a sound did abound, as he ploughed through the mound,
then I thought I heard a gasp as he sliced through the past,
and laid our mav'rick spend bare, as I flopped into a chair.
So I went to the attic where I thought about the static
that our last spending tool was programmed to always give.
And I threw up my arms at the industry yarns,
Just a trick, a nick, and I'd let the suckers in.

He was quick, he was sharp and always on the mark,
he had a lot of success on his chinny, chin, chin.
He avowed, he was proud of the savings he allowed
from the tip of the 'burg he found the savings within.
He's cool for a fool throwin' out every rule
every hour of the day when the cold winds blow.
Though the beard was-a cleared, I still have never cheered
like I did in the storm when I was in the know.

I said you're right, my spend's a fright,
Can you stop for a drop before you have to go?
He said "Sure, Bill, if the wine is chilled
and I'll stake a steak down at the Monaco".
So we went out back and discussed the stack
of invoices that had all been over-paid
and every dollar spent off of the contract
and then we laid it all bare till we made the grade.

And before he went this fine old gent,
finding gifts went to sift through his spend reports.
From the top to the bottom he reached in and got 'em,
spend trends for me, and variances from torts.

And the higher-ups got presents too,
Banned suppliers and a stale contract.
A bloated pie 'bout as clear as the sky,
the best that money couldn't buy.
Cause money could never ever buy the feelin,
the one that comes when there's no concealin'
of your spend by a tool that's new
and that's what Strovink's does for you.

The dude ya read's back at the keys,
up late till all's where it should be.
But if he were right here tonight,
he'd say Truthful Spending and to all a good night!

* As most of you are aware, Opera Solutions acquired BIQ this year and has begun folding it into their solution offerings, offering BIQ Exploratory Analytics as one of their Vertical Offerings and using it to power parts of their VEKTOR platform.

P.S. For my new readers, this cheerful verse is the result of a sly comment by Eric over on e-Sourcing Forum back in 2007 on How Not to Get a Job.

P.P.S. For those of you who'd like to be spend rappin' too, please download the new white paper on Spend Visibility: An Implementation Guide. No registration required. It's the best boxing day gift your organization will ever get!

Christmas Rappin'

   by Curtis Blow mp3 on YouTube

(Since it's difficult to find complete and well-formatted lyrics on the web.)

Don't you get me all that JIVE about things you wrote before I's alive,
Cause this ain't 1823 - ain't even 1970!
Now I'm the guy named Kurtis Blow and Christmas is one thing I know,
So every year, just about this time, I celebrate it with a rhyme!

Gonna shake it, gonna bake it, gonna make it good,
Gonna rock shock rock you through your neighbourhood.
Gonna ring it, gonna sing it till it's understood.
My rap's about to happen, like the knee you was slappin;
Or the toe you been tappin' on a hunk of wood.
'Bout a red suited dude, with a friendly attitude
and a sleigh full of goodies for the people on the block.
Got a long white beard, maybe looks kind of weird,
and if you ever seen him he could give you quite a shock.

Now people let me tell ya about last year
when the dude came flying over here.
Well the hawk was out, the snow's on the ground,
folks stayed in to party down.
The beat was thumping on the block,
and I was dancing in my sock,
and the drummer played at a solid pace,
...
and a taste of the base was in my face.
...
And the guitar player laid down a heavy layer
of the funky junky rhythm of the disco Beat.
And the guy with the 88 started to participate,
and I could sure appreciate it sound so sweet.

We were all in the mood so we had a little food,
and a joke, and a smoke, and a little bit of wine,
when I thought I heard a hoof on the top of the roof.
Could it be or was it me, I was feeling super fine.
So I went to the attic where I thought I heard the static
on a chance that the prance was somebody breaking in.
But the noise on the top was a reindeer clop,
Just a trick St. Nick, and I let the sucker in.

He was roly, he was poly and not the holy moly,
you got a lot of whiskers on your chinny, chin, chin.
He allowed, he was proud of the hairy little crowd
on the point of the door where the skin should've been.
Get's cool for a fool throwin' out every yule
for a day on the sleigh where the cold winds blow.
So the beard maybe cleared, but I never have a-cheered
'cause it's warm in the storm when it's ten below.

I said you're right it's cold tonight,
Can you stop for a drop before you go?
He said "Why not if the music's hot
and I'll chance a dance beneath the mistletoe".
So he went downstairs and forgot his cares
and he rocked the spot and danced like a pro.
And every young girl tried to rock his world,
but he boogie oogie oogied till he had to go.

And before he went this fine old gent,
finding gifts went to sift through his big red bags.
In the top for the bottom he reached in and got 'em,
toys for the boys, and for the girls flat rag.

And the grown-ups got some presents too.
A new TV and a stere-u.
A new Seville 'bout as blue as the sky,
the best that money couldn't buy.
Cause money could never ever buy the feelin,
the one that comes from not concealin'
the way you feel about your friends
and this is how the story ends.

The dude ya read's back at the pole,
up north where everything is cold.
But if he were right here tonight,
he'd say Merry Christmas and to all a good night!

 

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